Things Not To Do In Arkham City
by GhostAuthor
Summary: These are the rules Strange should have given the new inmates of Arkham City.
1. Rules 01 through 30

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Things Not To Do In Arkham City**

01. Do not ask Joker if he has Harley play Naughty Nurse.

02. Do not ask Killer Croc if humans taste like chicken.

03. Do not ask Two-Face if two heads really are better than one.

04. Do not proposition to Harley Quinn.

05. Rule #4 also goes for Poison Ivy and Catwoman.

06. Do not ask Scarecrow if he has a brain.

07. Do not ask Two-Face if he does _everything _in twos.

08. Do not let Penguin watch Happy Feet. Or March of the Penguins

09. Do not let Penguin watch any movie that deals with penguins.

10. Don't not take Riddler's Rubix cube and move the stickers around.

11. Do not give Joker playing cards.

12. Do not give Joker pencils.

13. Do not Joker objects of any kind.

14. Do not ask Mr. Freeze about the weather.

15. Do not stand outside the GCPD building with a radio playing _Ice Ice Baby._

16. Do not harass the TYGER guards. Period.

. You can just avoid the bullets.

18. Do not ask the Abramovici twins to play Twister.

19. Do not ask the Riddler 'Why is a raven like a writing desk?'. That goes for you Mad Hatter!

20. Do not hide Two-Face's coin. He can decide to shoot you without it.

21. Do not try and scratch Catwoman's ears to see if she purrs. Batman already tried that.

22. Do not ask Batman the results of Rule #21

23. Do not try and count Zsasz's tally marks. He will add you to the number.

24. Do not knock Calendar man out then not tell him the date when he asks.

25. Do not take a piece of Clayface and play with it.

26. Do not cheat when playing darts with Deadshot. He can kill you with anything he throws.

27. Do not ask Hush if he's had work done.

28. Do not ask Penguin if you can feed Tiny. He might use you.

29. Do not walk into the Bowery covered in 'I Believe in Harvey Dent' stickers.

30. Rule #29 also applies in the Industrial District.

**That's all for now, but send me your ideas.**


	2. Rules 31 through 60

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Things Not To Do In Arkham City Cont.**

31. Do not climb atop any building and threaten to jump. No one will stop you, they'll just edge you on.

32. Do not taunt Catwoman with bottles of milk.

33. Do not taunt Catwoman with catnip.

34. The following words are not to be used to describe the Rogues:insane, nut job, wacko, lunatic, or crazy. These words are compliments to some but insults to others, but all of them will get them to kill you.

35. Do not take Scarecrow's horror movies.

36. Do not go anywhere near plants with weed killer or a weed wacker. Poison Ivy will find out.

37. Do not sing nananana Batman anywhere in Arkham City.

38. Do not put Joker gas or Fear gas in spray cans

39. Do not sniff Joker's flower when he asks you to.

40. Do not touch Penguin's umbrellas.

41. Do not go to the Mad Hatter's tea parties.

42. Do not ask Hush what tomb he crawled out of.

43. Do not ask Catwoman if she is dominatrix even if she looks like one.

**These rules are from mastermarker**

44. Do not ask Solomon Grundy if he's heard thriller, or if he knows the dances movess

45. Do not ask Solomon Grundy if he knows how to do the Monster Mash.

46. Rule 45 also applies to Killer Croc and Clayface.

47. Do not ask Killer Croc why he ate Captain Hook's hand.

48. Do not ask Killer Croc if he knows the time.(Peter Pan joke)

49. Do not ask Ra's Al Ghul what any historical figure you can think of was like.

50. Keep Catwoman away from the catnip and your valuables.

**These rules are from JeanDaBean **

51. Do not comment on Nora Fries' attractiveness within earshot of Mr. Freeze.

52. Do not ask Mr. Freeze if he likes revenge served cold, or if he's been to any cool parties lately.

53. Better yet, don't talk to Mr. Freeze. Period.

54. If you want to keep your appendages from being broken in horrible fashion, do not linger in groups out in the open where Batman can use you as practice for his latest blackbelt degree.

55. Do not insult the Batman as "Just a freak in a cape."Morons who say this have a tendency to be hunted down by said "freak" and given a lesson in eating their words. Or in this case, fist.

56. Do not double-cross Catwoman. Hell hath no fury indeeed.

57. Do not offer to plant-sit for Poison Ivy. It ends...poorly for you.

58. Do not sing "Eye of the Tiger" around the TYGER guards unless you WANT to be target practice.

59. Do not make Napoleon jokes around Penguin. Penguin is far nastier. And shorter.

60. Do not think you've ever outsmarted Batman. It doesn't matter what trap you've concocted, what environmental blockage you're taking advantage of to mock him, or how battered he may or may not look. He. is. BATMAN. He is prepared for everything you'd imagine and everything you couldn't possibly imagine. When (Not "If," "WHEN") he gets past whatever is in his way and you haven't the brains to already run like hell, you deserve whatever beating he gives you.

**That's all for now, but send me your ideas.**


	3. Rules 61 through 90

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Things Not To Do In Arkham City Cont.**

61. Do not steal Two-Face's coin to use in a vending machine.

62. Do not sing 'Let it Snow' around Mr. Freeze.

63. Do not sing any Christmas carols around Mr. Freeze.

64. Do not replace Penguin's cigars with exploding ones.

65. Do not sing 'Call Me Maybe' around Mr. Zsasz.

66. Do not send the Joker or Scarecrow a chemistry set.

67. Do not ask Mr. Freeze to make ice sculptures for parties.

68. Do not invite Scareface or Mr. Freeze a bonfire.

69. Do not attempt to sue Two-Face. He knows how to double talk very well.

70. Do not spread a rumor that Riddler ripped off Joker's gimmick. We've already had that war.

71. Do not make in Soviet Russia jokes around the Abramovici twins.(No maker how funny they may be Joker!)

72. Do not fish in the hole to the sewer in hopes of catching Killer Croc.

73. Do not ask Joker to perform a magic trick. He only knows lethal ones.

74. Do not insult Lewis Carol anywhere near Mad Hatter.

75. Do not challenge Killer Croc to a swimming race.

76. Do not hum the theme to Jaws around Killer Croc.(Arkham Asylum players know what I mean.)

**This one is from GraceOfTheFlower**

77. Do not attempt to throw a boomerang at Batman. He will catch it, and use it to break your arm.

**These are from an anonymous reviewer**

78. Do not ask Solomon Grundy how many times he has died.

79. Do not sing the Smurfs theme song when Mr. Freeze doesn't have his armor on.

**These are from ****Mariic**

80. Don't call Batman "The Goddamn Batman".

81. Don't try to fondle any female in the city.

82. Don't call the Joker "bozo", especially if Harley is around.(Trust me, I tried it.)

**These are from ****Ravenclaw992 **

83. Do not play with the temperature controls in Freeze's cell and claim summer came early.

84. Do not send Ivy some poison ivy killer for Christmas. It will come back to haunt you.

85. Do not ask Joker why he's always forgetting his dentures in the hallway.(Dang those stupid Joker teeth in Arkham Asylum!)

86. Do not refer to Harley as a dumb blonde. The joke's on you-she's not a real blonde.

87. Do not attempt to drain the water in Croc's lair, no matter how much the smell bothers you.

88. Do not ask Two-Face why he's never considered Proactiv.

89. The previous rule applies for Joker as well.

90. Do not ask Scarecrow to go to his happy place. You'll end up as his latest experiment in his "happy place" a.k.a. "what-the-hell-is-going-on-inspired-by-Freddy-Krueger-nightmare."

**That's all for now, but send me your ideas. Only ten more to go!**


	4. Rules 91 through 100 plus extras

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

****Things Not To Do In Arkham City ******Cont.**

91. Do not play any card game with the Joker. Win or loose, you'll probably die.

92. Do not ask Joker if he is a vampire because of his skin color.

93. Do not ask Two-Face if he was going for the half Freddy Krueger look with the scars.

94. Do not taunt Penguin with sardines.

95. Do not question any of the Rogues' fashion sense, no matter how much you want to.

**The next four are from Invisible-Ayla**

96. Do not even think about stealing/breaking Bane's teddy. He will do the same to you.

97. It is recommended that you do not paint Ivy's white roses red, Hatter. The Red Queen never reacted as bad as what Ivy will about that.

98. Do not ask Joker to tell jokes, or to "Do something funny!"

99. If you are a blonde female and you get invited to tea, don't turn up.

**And the final rule of what not to do in Arkham City is...**

100. Under no circumstances are you to piss off the Rogues. This includes trying to off one of them to make a name for yourself. They've been in the crime business for a long time and there's no way a no name punk could kill one of them. So if you want to live, either work for them like good little goons, or avoid them at all costs.

**Here are some from theinsanitymaster that should be read as well.**

-Do not ask Scarface if he knows Kermit the frog.

-Do not give Black Mask the Halloween remake for any occasion.(If you've seen the movie, and know a lot about Black Mask's history, then you'll get this joke.)

-Do not ask Joker if Killer Klownz from Outer Space is his favorite movie.

-Do not ask Deadshot to play Call of Duty with you.

-Do not reference Batman Beyond at all. You may alter the time-stream.

-Do not ask Harley and Catwoman to make-out.(I know it's hard, but you'll live longer.)

-Do ask Solomon Grundy what brains taste like.

**_FIN_**


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